Lots to unpack here. I don't think calling someone "he" when you instinctively think they're male is "unreasonable," but the truth is that it could be hurtful, if they don't identity as a "he." We can't avoid ever hurting each other, but we can embrace habits that aim to minimize that hurt, and for me, trying to use "they/them" until someone shares their pronouns is a habit that I'm willing to take on, in order to minimize the hurt I cause. Unlearning a lifetime of making assumptions about gender is really f'ing hard. But I'm willing to try. You raise a lot of other points that I feel like it would take a full essay to explore so I'll leave it here for now!