I'm taken with your last line, about "energy." I wonder if we felt energized, alive, if we'd feel more youthful. Or if nothing else...at least, energized and alive.

My sylph days are long gone, for sure. When I miss them, I can't tell if it's that I really enjoyed looking that way, or that I got positive feedback, or that I felt in control...it's so tangled up in societal messages.

But energized and alive... that sounds nice. Even if the nurse who gave me my booster shot today did look at me and ask, "Are you pregnant?" Even if my top half is so much bigger than my bottom half. If I feel strong and good in my body, I have to imagine, that will overpower the shame-based cacophony in my head.